July 16th

July 16^th

I awoke atop the picnic table, the morning was humid, the heat not yet building but strongly hinting at its arrival. I knew I had at least one vote from Michigan, maybe five. I smiled at the irony, the democrats discounted Michigan in their primaries, and now the Dirty Bum Party is leaving as the state as fast as it entered. I may have to work my way back. When my roadie woke, she suggested we take a hopscotch tour of the Michigan-Indiana-Ohio border.

After breaking down camp, we stopped at the local greasy spoon for breakfast. Before coffee was served, she immediately gave into her female instincts and asked about my past. Over breakfast she asked questions and I skillfully avoided direct answers.

“The only things you need to know are this: I’m thirty-two times two plus a few. I have eight ex-wives and I’m running for president.” The answer was akin to name, rank, and serial number.

Afternoon: We dipped into Indiana and visited Angola, making a stop at Whacky Jacks, we were the only ones there other than the bartender and she didn’t seem the least bit interested in life let alone politics, so with sharpies in hand, we bestowed the restrooms with Elect Robert President! Vote Dirty Bum! We rode around the traffic circle in center of town and headed east into Ohio.

Pioneer was the first of many villages we visited. I shook a hand or two, hopped on the back of Glenda’s bike and moved on. After Pioneer we jumped back into Michigan and visited Munson, Morenci and Weston before dropping back into Ohio and stopping at Assumption. We made the mistake of assuming there was a bar in Assumption. We headed south on 64 for an appropriately named town, Whitehouse. We rolled noisily down Providence St and stopped at Legends Café. After a quick bite and a tall blond and a conversation with a local farmer who complained about fuel costs making the cost of doing business prohibitive, we hopped on the Harley and drove along the Maumee River.

Evening: The first thing one notices approaching Bowling Green is the four giant wind turbines. The town has made a financial commitment to go green. The four turbines generate enough energy to power to supply three thousand of it residents with electricity. Wind and solar energy need to be implemented into our nation energy plan and my administration will encourage municipalities to follow Bowling Green’s lead.

We stopped at a little hole-in-the-wall called Trotters. The local’s were friendly and receptive to my campaign. I signed a few autographs and listened to their recommendation for the brown jug steak. They claimed it was the best steak anywhere. It didn’t disappoint. It was in league of The Lumber Jack, a backwoods bar in Montana. We closed Trotters and ended up at a local motel.

Lying on my bed, I thought about the twist the campaign took today. The flexibility offered by Glenda’s bike was great. She was also an inspiration; she added a new dimension to the campaign.